Some critics have misinterpreted the phrase "he raised his hand to pat her" as an act of aggression. The Arabic text uses the verb —"He raised his hand to place his hand on her so that she might become tranquil." This is the gesture of a gentle pat, similar to soothing a crying child or calming a distressed person. It was not a violent movement but an act of compassion. When the woman recoiled and sought refuge in Allah, the Prophet immediately withdrew his hand and honored her request. He never laid his hand on a woman who refused to marry him.
Let’s dive deep.
The Prophet did not force himself upon a woman who was legally his wife. He did not consummate the marriage against her will. When she expressed aversion—even aversion rooted in mental illness rather than rational choice—he respected her rejection and dissolved the marriage. This is a powerful refutation of any notion that Islam permits marital coercion or rape. True prophetic masculinity is defined by gentleness and respect, not domination.
When the Prophet (ﷺ) tried to calm her, she said, "I seek refuge with Allah from you." Recognizing the sanctity of this request, the Prophet (ﷺ) immediately honored it, stating, "You have sought refuge with One Who gives refuge," and cancelled the marriage, as analyzed in traditional commentary. 3. Respectful Release sahih bukhari 5255
This hadith is frequently discussed by scholars to illustrate the Prophet's compassion, his respect for personal autonomy in marriage, and the legal framework for dissolving a union when mutual compatibility is lacking. Narrated by Abu Usaid:
"Justice Between Co-Wives in Islamic Law: The Hermeneutics of Hadith 5255" — not exactly that title, but look for:
The Prophet (ﷺ) proposed a marriage based on hibah (gifting oneself), a privilege allowed to him, to a lady from Banu Jaun. The lady, likely due to youth or unfamiliarity, responded with a perceived haughty comment, asking if a princess should marry an "ordinary man." 2. The Reaction and "Refuge" Some critics have misinterpreted the phrase "he raised
The hadith provides a practical example of the rules regarding a woman "gifting" herself in marriage, a topic discussed extensively in the Fiqh (jurisprudence) of marriage and divorce Dar-us-Salam . If you’d like, I can: Explain the historical context of the tribe of Bani Ja'un.
The hadith, narrated by Abu Usaid, describes a specific incident:
: Respecting her refusal, the Prophet immediately stops and says, "You have sought refuge with the Great One; go back to your family". When the woman recoiled and sought refuge in
(The above Arabic text seems to have incorrect ordering. Only English translation seems to correlate)
Ending a marriage should be done with dignity, kind words, and financial gifts.
Understanding Sahih al-Bukhari 5255: The Islamic Ruling on Khul' and Islamic Divorce